She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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