Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
