Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
