Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
