The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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