And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
