I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
