Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
