I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
