Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
They have beer where we have blood.
Dicks are not precious.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
