Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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