from now on my penis is your penis
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Two words: nipple clamps
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