Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
