I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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