Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i think i have two assholes
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
