No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
