Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think my moral compass just broke
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
