I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
