U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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