fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
