I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just googled if crying burns calories
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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