I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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