I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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