I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
