You really coming over, don't trick.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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