that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
