i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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