I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
