I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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