apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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