my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
