wat bout pragnant strippers??
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
