the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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