dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
