How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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