But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize