I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
