She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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