____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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