no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
