I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
