how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
