Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
