She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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