I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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