Rock
Scissors
Fuck
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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