Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
