Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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