I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
