Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize