a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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