I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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