Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
