broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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