I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
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Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
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I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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