At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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