I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
