So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
