I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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