I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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