Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
