Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My nipple is on Facebook.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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