I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
