Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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