Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
