smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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