new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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