Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
