Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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