so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
a search helicopter?!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
