Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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