We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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