haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
