are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
