hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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