I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
